Gene Simmons Hates Nature: There's No Bagels

This post pulls at my heart. I was a huge KISS fan. I mean HUGE. Aside from Ace Frehley and Peter Criss, Paul and Gene were instumentally useless, but nobody can dispute the importance or relevance of KISS. 

Then I grew up and realized what an egotistical, overblown, greedy, pendantic windbag Mr. Chaim Witz, aka Gene Simmons, is.

(Exhibit A: Allegedly plays bass guitar)

Plus, he can't bang worth sh*t; I saw the video. I won't post a link because I won't assault the eyes of my readers like that. You're welcome.

Anyway, Simmons has been here in the Great White North to find the next big thing in music. His logic is that if something as amazing as U2 can come out of a little 'nothing' of a country like Ireland, certainly there's a goldmine of talent in Canada; which there probably is and if this talent has any sense they'll stay miles away from this self-appointed music Kingmaker. 

Simmons' partner in co-habitation (his words, not mine), and mother of their two kids, Shannon Tweed is a former Playboy model who hails from Newfoundland. She hasn't done much aside from birthing Nick and Sophie (they seem like alright kids though) except pose for naked pictures, screw everybody in Hollywood (according to Sharon Osbourne) and spend her "Genie's" stacks.

Well, to throw his wife a Canadian bone (he's gotta do something since we've seen what kind of bone he does throw...) he bought a place in Whistler B.C. for the family. He hates it. He doesn't like nature because he "can't make deals with mountains," and then throws in a biblical reference about the Hebrews wandering in the wilderness so he doesn't need to and something about bagels and jam.   

There's a reason Paul Stanley won't be seen with this man outside of anything KISS-related (I still love you Paul, you're one of the best rock frontmen ever) because he has what Simmons lacks: self-respect and self-esteem.  And a burning need, apparently, not to consistently make an ass out of himself in public.  Simmons crows about his love for the fans and yet I think Paul has more respect for the fans because, while they paint her up and trot out that old whore KISS  from time to time, he's not out trying to get his skeevy hands on anything and everything and making the whole damned band and its history feel coated in slime.

Gene Simmons may be phenomenally successful and rich, but at the end of the day he's still got nothing inside and he fills his God-shaped hole with money. I guess that's because money IS his God.